Anti-pickup Lines

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I’m what you call an anti-flirt. Don’t even try flirting with me. I’ll come up with some condescending witty response to your clever little pickup line and send you packing. It’s kind of an automatic defense. So today, I’m going to share with you a collection of the best responses to some classic and clever lines. Some of these I came up with. Some I’ve read on websites. Some my friends came up with.

THE LINE: Do you have a map? Because I’m lost in your eyes.
THE RESPONSE: No, but I can give you directions to “Out of my Face.”

THE LINE: I forgot my library card. Can I check you out anyways?
THE RESPONSE: Well, why don’t you bring your library card and check out some books. You know. To read. Or are you too stupid to do that?

THE LINE: Are you made of copper and tellurium? Because you’re CuTe.
THE RESPONSE: No, but it seems like you’re made of arsenic and sulfur. You’re a real AsS

THE LINE: I’m no weatherman, but you can expect more than a few inches tonight.
THE RESPONSE: Really? Why don’t you just go drown in that rain.

THE LINE: Are you tired? You’ve been running through my mind all day.
THE RESPONSE: Yeah, actually. I’ve been running away from you.

THE LINE: I’m a photographer. I’ve been looking for a face like yours.
THE RESPONSE: I’m a plastic surgeon. I’ve been looking for a face like yours.

THE LINE: If I could rearrange the alphabet, I would put U and I together.
THE RESPONSE: Well, that’s okay, because N and O are already together.
(or if you wanna mix it up a bit, you can try…)
If I could rearrange the alphabet, I would put F and U together.

THE LINE: U and I are in beautiful.
THE RESPONSE: But there’s only U in ugly.

THE LINE: Did it hurt when you fell from heaven?
THE RESPONSE: No, but it hurt when I died fifteen years ago, along with that line.

THE LINE: Go ahead, don’t be shy. Ask me out.
THE RESPONSE: Okay. Get out.

THE LINE: I lost my number. Can I have yours?
THE RESPONSE: The phone company can help you with that.

THE LINE: Your face must turn a few heads.
THE RESPONSE: And yours must turn a few stomachs.

THE LINE: I would die for you!

THE LINE: I would go to the ends of the earth for you.
THE RESPONSE: Great. Then stay there.

THE LINE: Your body is a temple.
THE RESPONSE: And there are no services today.

THE LINE: Your place or mine?
THE RESPONSE: Both. You go to yours, and I’ll go to mine.

THE LINE: I want to give myself to you.
THE RESPONSE: Ugh, what a cheap gift!

THE LINE: Is this seat empty?
THE RESPONSE: Yes, and this one will be too if you sit down.

THE LINE: Do you believe in love at first sight, or should I walk by again?
THE RESPONSE: Walk by again, but this time, don’t stop!

THE LINE: Do you know karate, because your body is kicking!
THE RESPONSE: Actually, I do. Would your crotch like a demonstration?

THE LINE: Those must be space pants because your ass is out of this world!
THE RESPONSE: No, these are baseball pants because this ass is out of your league
(or if you wanna mix it up, you can try…)
Is that a donkey’s tongue? Because it’s making an ass out of you.

THE LINE: I can tell that you want me.
THE RESPONSE: Well, I want you to leave.

THE LINE: Are you a parking ticket, because you have “FINE” written all over you!
THE RESPONSE: No, but are you a parking ticket? Because nobody likes you.

THE LINE: Look at your keyboard. U and I are together.
THE RESPONSE: Yeah, but right under that, it says JK!

THE LINE: I’m not a genie, but I can make your wishes come true.
THE RESPONSE: Great. First wish: for you to go away.

THE LINE: How did you get so beautiful?
THE RESPONSE: I must have taken your share.

THE LINE: Does beauty run in your family?
THE RESPONSE: I don’t know, but it sure as hell doesn’t run in yours!

And of course, if you can’t come up with a response, simply say: “That’s an interesting approach. Now let’s see your departure.”

Comment below with your best pickup line comebacks!


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