Category Archives: Relationship Rants

I’m Not A Bitch

Recently, I was asked to homecoming by a guy I actually didn’t know all too well. I mean, I had a class with him last year and that’s really about it. We talked some, but not a lot. He played his guitar and everything, and there were at least 40 people in the room and probably about 10 video-taking devices out too. And I rejected him in front of all those people.

Bitch move, you think?

Maybe it is, if you only know that part of it.

You see, I’m not a dance type of person. I’m not a fan of the high school’s homecoming dance. I went last year and it was boring. And the music was awful, by my standards. Then again, I have a rather odd taste. But no matter. I didn’t want to spend 3 hours in a crowded, dark, indoor space with bad music blasting from the loudspeakers in formal wear with no good food, no matter who else was there. I hate crowds, I hate indoor spaces, I hate crowds in indoor spaces, I hate bad music, and I always do things for food. Homecoming is like some kind of hell for me or something.

The guy did consult my friends about it, and my two best friends told him it was a bad idea. My guy friends didn’t really say anything though, although they did know that I really, really, really didn’t want to go to homecoming. Naturally, I wasn’t expecting anyone to ask me of all people.

But alas, I was wrong. I walked out to break and all my friends were standing there staring at me. They told me to follow them, so I did, and a crowd of 40 people followed me. I know that the word spread around really quickly, and I’m sure lots of people just followed because mass migrations of high school students don’t happen very often. So something interesting had to be happening. Anyways, everyone went inside the room, but they wouldn’t allow me in for another five minutes. I knew what was going to happen at this point and I was considering walking away, but curiosity got the best of me. I needed to know who it was. Finally, they let me in. I burst into the room super confidently, saw the guy standing there with his guitar, and started stumbling around for a chair. I took a seat and he started playing. My best friend looked over at me and whispered, “Just say yes, okay? I’ll go with you.” But she knew I wouldn’t do it. I whispered back, “I really don’t want to go, though.” She replied, “Well, neither do I!” This was kinda confusing to me. She didn’t want me to say no, but she didn’t want to go with me, but she offered to. Shouldn’t she think that it would be better if I just said no? But that’s besides the point. Anyways, I argued with her and my other friend about this for a while, even though I probably should have been paying attention to what the guy was doing. I was panicked, though. I didn’t want to say no in front of everyone, but I knew that if I said yes, I would totally regret it later. Three hours of my life listening to music I can’t unlisten to.

So at the end of it all, I explained that I wasn’t going to homecoming, gave him a hug, and I walked out. I couldn’t look at anyone in that room in the eye. I felt so heartless, but it wasn’t even my fault. He knew it was a bad idea. And he thought he could be super sweet and just sway me into doing something I really didn’t want to do.

I felt like a heartless bitch for a while, but then I realized that I’m not.

I don’t owe it to anyone to spend three hours with them. I really don’t owe it to anyone to spend three hours in a crowded indoor space with them. And I really, REALLY don’t owe it to anyone to spend three hours in a crowded indoor space with really bad music with them. Even if they play the guitar for me. That’s three hours of me wishing I could be anywhere else, and three hours I could spend doing something else, something I actually enjoy doing.

A girl often feels pressured into just saying yes to a guy because she feels bad for him, even though she doesn’t really want anything to do with him. Yes, I understand that guys usually have to make the first move, and while I commend them for their bravery, I feel like they fail to realize that rejecting a guy isn’t easy either. Especially in front of 40 people. After he played the guitar for you. When so much effort is put into something like this, girls feel like they owe it to guys to just give in, but really, we don’t. And it’s unfair for us to feel like heartless bitches when we reject guys. We shouldn’t be pressured into something we don’t want to do.

So, I came to the conclusion that I’m not cruel for rejecting him. He knew that I wasn’t planning on going and that I am terribly stubborn. If he thought that he could sway me into going by pulling out his guitar and dragging 40 people along, it’s unfair to me.

I shouldn’t feel mean for not giving in to something I really, really didn’t want to do.

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Guy Friends

I have more guy friends than girl friends, and I like things better that way. Guy friends are just so much easier to hang out with. They don’t backstab you, they’re honest with you, and you can tell them to shut up and go away and they’ll come back to you tomorrow like nothing ever happened. I’ve never had a problem with guy friends. They’re so much more genuine and they’re not as judgmental.

However, I have met a few guys who were absolute nightmares. They started arguments over little things, whined about everything, and couldn’t understand why I got mad at them when it was midnight and they were still bugging me after I told them I had a lot of work to finish. It drove me crazy.

If a guy friend causes more problems than a girl friend, he isn’t a good guy friend. I’m not saying that they shouldn’t ask for advice or talk about their feelings. I’m just saying that they shouldn’t become huge burdens.

So this is what teens call “love”…

Young love...

Young love… (Photo credit: Joits)

*Note: this is one of my more serious posts. It just kinda turned out that way. Let me know what you think about the slight change of voice.

I’m not a believer in young love. I don’t think that teenagers really know what love is. I don’t think teenagers can feel true love. I don’t believe that “puppy love,” to borrow the colloquialism, can last, except in the most rare cases. And those rare cases make epic love stories. But that’s besides the point.

Teenage romances are sweet, but short. We like these relationships to be taken seriously, although most don’t last longer than a few months. While they last, they are extremely sweet, sometimes to the point that it’s sickening. However, they are filled with constant drama.

It’s in the nature of teenagers. We cause lots and lots of drama over unnecessary things. Blame the hormones. There are conversations all throughout the buildings of middle schools and high schools.

“Hey, did you hear? Jenny and Robert are a thing now.”

“OMG really? Jenny and Sam would make a way cuter couple though.”

“Oh, you’re just jealous because you like Robert.”

This kind of gossip is heard everywhere. It’s in every whisper from best friend to best friend, every circle discussion between a group (especially groups of girls), every conversation in the locker rooms after gym class. It’s impossible to escape relationship talk.

As soon as people learn that a guy likes a girl, the pressure is all on him to ask her out. Everyone is urging him to go talk to her. Everyone is pushing him to put his arm around her. Everyone insists that they would make “the perfect couple” and that they were “made for each other.”

Eventually, the boy may cave in and ask the girl out.

If she says yes, everyone is super excited for about a week, then they figure out someone else likes someone else and the whole cycle continues. The relationship lasts for a few months, then for whatever reason, the breakup happens. Maybe her best friend decided that he wasn’t right for her. Maybe he was spending too much time with his bros and she felt like she wasn’t important enough in his life. The reason is superficial. At least one person in the relationship becomes depressed for a month, then decides to pick themselves back up and focus on something important. And the cycle repeats.

If she says no, she normally says something along the lines of, “I hope we can still be friends.” The guy gets his hopes up for a little while, realizes that it’s not worth it, and leaves. The cycle repeats when the world figures out he likes someone else.

On the girl’s side of things, however, things are a little different. I’m not going to be sexist or anything, but I will stay in the general “social norm” that the guy asks the girl out. That’s how it is in most cases, and it makes it easier to write about this way.

So, people find out that the girl likes someone. The whispers and the gossip are all around. She is often pressured to ask if the boy likes her back. Sometimes, her friends get involved and ask around. She often cries to her best friend, pining over him and sighing over the fact that he may not like her back. All she’s thinking is, “What if he doesn’t like me back? What am I going to do?” Obviously, her excitement is through the roof if he asks her out. However, if he doesn’t like her back, she’ll fall into a depressive state for a month. Sometimes longer. She’ll cry to her best friend, moaning about how much she loved him and how there is no other boy in the world like him. Then, she decides to pick herself back up and put herself back into reality and everything’s all happy again. And the cycle repeats itself again.

I speak from personal experience. However, I’m not the girl pining and sighing over a boy. I have better things to think about than that.

I am always the best friend. The one the guy talks to when he needs girl advice. The one the girl talks to when she needs to cry. The one that’s forgotten in every love story ever written. Maybe that’s why I hate romances. I’m that best friend, sidelined while a romance unfolds, always left out of the epic love story. You might say that it’s not about the best friend, it’s about the romance. However, I’d really like some credit. I’m usually the reason that the guy got the girl. I’m the reason why the girl can be happy again after finding out he doesn’t like her back. I’m the one with the shoulder to cry on when the breakups happen. I might not be an important character to the ones reading the story, but I sure as hell am an important character to the ones involved in the romance.

Being the best friend is not an easy task. I watch my friends fall in love and get hurt over and over and over again. I’ve learned from their mistakes and eventually, I’ve learned that none of it is really worth it. I go through so much heartache. Not as much as the girl who just got dumped, but I have to watch friend after friend after friend get dumped. I have to console them and comfort them and tell them that everything will be okay. It hurts every time to see a friend so upset. And it wears on me. I hate watching my friends get hurt.

But every time, I’m the one that dries their tears.

Being Single

Screen Shot 2013-04-10 at 8.21.08 PM

Whenever I meet another girl, for some odd reason, the conversation always drifts towards relationships and dating. And every single time the subject of relationships is brought up, this is almost exactly how it goes every single time:

Her: So, do you have a boyfriend?

Me: No.

Her: Really? Because I know this really nice guy… [goes into how nice this guy is and how I’d really like him and whatnot]

Me: No, thank you.

Her: What?

Me: I said, “No, thank you.” I’m not looking for a relationship right now.

Her: Why not?

Why not, you ask? Because being single ROCKS. There are so many reasons why flying solo is the way to go!Screen Shot 2013-04-17 at 8.57.11 PM

  1. Freedom! You don’t have to make time for your significant other. It’s your time, and you can do whatever the hell you want with it. Go party, have a drink at the bar, stay home and have a Gossip Girl marathon, watch 4 football games at the same time, whatever! It doesn’t matter. Do whatever you want. Your boyfriend (or girlfriend) can’t tell you otherwise. You can make decisions without consulting anyone, and you can change your plans last minute much more easily.
  2. No drama. You don’t have to worry about your boyfriend getting jealous because you’re having lunch with your best guy friend, and you don’t have to worry that your girlfriend will be mad at you for blowing her off to hang with the bros. You don’t have to worry about stupid fights, tears, or heartbreaks.
  3. You have so much more time to spend with yourself, with your friends, and with your family. A lot of people realize a lot of things about themselves when they’re single: who they are, what they want in life, and what they’re looking for. You could do the same.
  4. You can meet so many new people. Make friends with people of the opposite gender. Flirt a little. You’re a great person. Why not find other great people to spend your time with, instead of being tied down to your partner all night? Screen Shot 2013-04-17 at 8.51.21 PM
  5. Sit around at home in sweats and no makeup with your hair in a messy bun all you want. Nobody’s judging. Skip a shower for a day? Fine. Forget to shave for a couple weeks? Great. Nobody cares.
  6. You can focus on lots of other things, like school or your career. Since you have more time for it, you’re bound to achieve more than you ever had before.
  7. You get the whole bed, the bathroom, everything to yourself. No more waiting half an hour for your girlfriend to finish doing her makeup and hair. No more fighting over the covers. It’s all yours.
  8. It’s so much more exciting. With a specific partner, sure, it’s comforting because they’ll always be there. But it gets boring. When you’re single, you wonder. “Does he like me?”  “Will she text me back?” It’s a lot of fun when you don’t know what’s going to happen next.
  9. You won’t miss super awesome parties or group outings because you’re stuck hanging out with your boyfriend. You can have tons of fun with your friends instead of sitting at home watching him play videogames.

Screen Shot 2013-04-17 at 9.16.08 PMI really don’t understand why everyone feels the need to pair me up with someone else. Society seems to believe that being relationship-less is such a horrible, lonely experience, but “single” is not synonymous with “lonely.” Am I wrong to believe otherwise? Do I simply fail to realize how delicate and unstable my heart is, and that what I truly need is a man to make me whole? Am I supposed secretly cry myself to sleep, whine, and sigh about how lonely it gets? Absolutely not. Being single might have a few downsides, but when you consider the positives, it’s pretty awesome. There really is such thing as single and happy, no matter what anyone tells you. So go ahead. Make some new friends. Try some new things. Enjoy life. You’ll find your special someone someday.

Emotions: Attraction

What is it about people that makes them attracted to other people? Why do guys like a girl and only see other girls as “just friends,” and vice versa? Two best friends can be so similar, but one is the object of a crush and the other is just a friend. What sets those two people apart in the crusher’s mind, when often times they are very similar?

For example, a good friend of mine has a huge crush on my best friend, but I’m just a friend to him, even though my best friend and I act alike and think alike. I’m perfectly fine with him liking my best friend, but it makes me wonder. What is it about her that makes her crushable to him, but not me? And it’s the same thing the other way around. Why do certain guys like me and not her?

So, with all these questions, I hopped onto Google and hoped to find some answers. I read a plethora of articles and learned a few things.

  1. Physical attraction is an important factor in most cases. The first thing people do when someone walks into a room is judge them by their looks. They may not be doing it consciously, but the way someone looks is the deciding factor on whether or not they will pursue the person and attempt to get to know them better.

    Barney Stinson

    Barney Stinson (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

  2. Proximity is also important. Okay, so the first time we see someone, we may not be impressed. But if we continue to run into them or see them everywhere, we will become more and more attracted to them. So, if we live near someone or sit near someone in class or work near them and interact with them, we may find ourselves become more attracted to them, which, I suppose, is why “boy next door” or “girl next door” love stories are fairly common. I guess Barney Stinson’s “mermaid theory” is actually true.
  3. The saying that “opposites attract” is not true. People are generally like people that are more similar to them because similarity encourages positive interaction.
  4. We actually subconsciously have a list of criteria for what we look for in a partner or a friend. When we meet someone who meets a large percentage of our criteria, we automatically like them better and find them more interesting. But if we find someone who doesn’t match our list of qualifications, we lose interest in them, even if it seems like everyone else loves them.
  5. We tend to look for people who remind us of other loved ones. Familiarity breeds attraction. People that have similar characteristics as people we know and love are more attractive to us because they validate our values and beliefs.
  6. Men tend to be more attracted to classically beautiful women, and women tend to look for the “dominant” or “alpha” male. I guess that’s why girls seem to tend to go for jerks, especially if they’re strong, confident, and popular.

Attraction is an interesting emotion. Many different factors determine why certain people find you attractive and certain others don’t. I suppose, in the case with me and my best friend, some find her more attractive because they tend to interact with her more and others find me more attractive because they interact with me more. Positive interaction with someone breeds attraction, so if you want to get the girl (or guy), man up and talk to them! If the experience is pleasant, they will definitely like you a lot better.

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Nice Guys Finish Last?

A really popular phrase I hear a lot of people say is, ”Nice guys finish last.” And let me tell you, it is the most annoying phrase I’ve ever heard in my LIFE. I really don’t get it. And I am here to tell you: nice guys DON’T finish last. It’s just some lame excuse that some guys use when they can’t get girlfriends. Not only that, it is completely, totally, 100% false.

You know why these douches keep scoring all these nice girls? Because they’re man enough to ask them out. What have you been doing while some other idiot has been flirting with your girl? You’ve just been bellyaching about how she never pays any attention to you and how girls always go for douches and never give nice guys a chance. Umm, wake up call! How is she supposed to know how you feel if you never pick up your skirt, grow a pair, and TELL HER?

Okay, now I know what you’re thinking. “I asked her out, and she still rejected me! Nice guys really do finish last!” Here’s the truth: she might be way out of your league. I mean, you wouldn’t expect Mila Kunis to date that one guy in the coffee shop who’s name nobody remembers. Hate to break it to you, bro, but that may be the case.

Or, if you don’t want to believe that, there are lots of other reasons why she rejected you. Think about it. Are you really a nice guy? I mean, you have to be pretty darn arrogant to call yourself a nice guy and tell everyone that you got rejected because you’re nice. You did not get rejected because you’re nice. NOBODY gets rejected for being nice.

And remember, while you’re so focused on winning over your “dream girl,” there’s probably another nice girl who’s madly in love with you and wishing you’ll stop paying attention to that girl and start paying attention to her instead. Think about it. You know that girl that you always go to whenever you need to rant about how your “dream girl” never pays attention to you? Give her a chance, too. You might be surprised.

Now, if I still haven’t convinced you that you didn’t get rejected because you’re nice and you still think nice guys finish last, just remember. They always save the best for last.