Tag Archives: Music

I’m Not A Bitch

Recently, I was asked to homecoming by a guy I actually didn’t know all too well. I mean, I had a class with him last year and that’s really about it. We talked some, but not a lot. He played his guitar and everything, and there were at least 40 people in the room and probably about 10 video-taking devices out too. And I rejected him in front of all those people.

Bitch move, you think?

Maybe it is, if you only know that part of it.

You see, I’m not a dance type of person. I’m not a fan of the high school’s homecoming dance. I went last year and it was boring. And the music was awful, by my standards. Then again, I have a rather odd taste. But no matter. I didn’t want to spend 3 hours in a crowded, dark, indoor space with bad music blasting from the loudspeakers in formal wear with no good food, no matter who else was there. I hate crowds, I hate indoor spaces, I hate crowds in indoor spaces, I hate bad music, and I always do things for food. Homecoming is like some kind of hell for me or something.

The guy did consult my friends about it, and my two best friends told him it was a bad idea. My guy friends didn’t really say anything though, although they did know that I really, really, really didn’t want to go to homecoming. Naturally, I wasn’t expecting anyone to ask me of all people.

But alas, I was wrong. I walked out to break and all my friends were standing there staring at me. They told me to follow them, so I did, and a crowd of 40 people followed me. I know that the word spread around really quickly, and I’m sure lots of people just followed because mass migrations of high school students don’t happen very often. So something interesting had to be happening. Anyways, everyone went inside the room, but they wouldn’t allow me in for another five minutes. I knew what was going to happen at this point and I was considering walking away, but curiosity got the best of me. I needed to know who it was. Finally, they let me in. I burst into the room super confidently, saw the guy standing there with his guitar, and started stumbling around for a chair. I took a seat and he started playing. My best friend looked over at me and whispered, “Just say yes, okay? I’ll go with you.” But she knew I wouldn’t do it. I whispered back, “I really don’t want to go, though.” She replied, “Well, neither do I!” This was kinda confusing to me. She didn’t want me to say no, but she didn’t want to go with me, but she offered to. Shouldn’t she think that it would be better if I just said no? But that’s besides the point. Anyways, I argued with her and my other friend about this for a while, even though I probably should have been paying attention to what the guy was doing. I was panicked, though. I didn’t want to say no in front of everyone, but I knew that if I said yes, I would totally regret it later. Three hours of my life listening to music I can’t unlisten to.

So at the end of it all, I explained that I wasn’t going to homecoming, gave him a hug, and I walked out. I couldn’t look at anyone in that room in the eye. I felt so heartless, but it wasn’t even my fault. He knew it was a bad idea. And he thought he could be super sweet and just sway me into doing something I really didn’t want to do.

I felt like a heartless bitch for a while, but then I realized that I’m not.

I don’t owe it to anyone to spend three hours with them. I really don’t owe it to anyone to spend three hours in a crowded indoor space with them. And I really, REALLY don’t owe it to anyone to spend three hours in a crowded indoor space with really bad music with them. Even if they play the guitar for me. That’s three hours of me wishing I could be anywhere else, and three hours I could spend doing something else, something I actually enjoy doing.

A girl often feels pressured into just saying yes to a guy because she feels bad for him, even though she doesn’t really want anything to do with him. Yes, I understand that guys usually have to make the first move, and while I commend them for their bravery, I feel like they fail to realize that rejecting a guy isn’t easy either. Especially in front of 40 people. After he played the guitar for you. When so much effort is put into something like this, girls feel like they owe it to guys to just give in, but really, we don’t. And it’s unfair for us to feel like heartless bitches when we reject guys. We shouldn’t be pressured into something we don’t want to do.

So, I came to the conclusion that I’m not cruel for rejecting him. He knew that I wasn’t planning on going and that I am terribly stubborn. If he thought that he could sway me into going by pulling out his guitar and dragging 40 people along, it’s unfair to me.

I shouldn’t feel mean for not giving in to something I really, really didn’t want to do.

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